


I Think I'm Dying

by TalesInInkAndStars



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Marauders' Era, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Remadora, Sirius black is a dramatic little shit, Some Fluff, Yes it Is, is that peter portrayed as a person?!, mostly angst, watch as padfoots life descendes into sadness, why yes, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-11
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-17 16:44:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10598067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesInInkAndStars/pseuds/TalesInInkAndStars
Summary: There are many times throughout his life where Sirius would dramatically declare "I think I'm dying!", usually when draped across his bed in the Gryffidnor commons room but, as time went on and days grew darker, there were many a time where this statement was not so farfetched...





	

**Author's Note:**

> So! Yet another fandom jump, this time to the Wizarding World and not only that but look at all that angst! 
> 
> Deadlines are winding down and I have ideas so you can bet I will be scheming and (hopefully) posting a few more bits and pieces as time goes on. (I will finish things I've already started I swear on my life xD)
> 
> But anyway, Enjoy some Sirius Black sadness. Because I like to suffer and so should you.

1964 

Sirius had woken up to a coughing fit that made his lungs ache and his throat burn. Regulus was still snoring softly from the other side of the room and Sirius made sure not to be too loud as he slipped out of bed and closed the door softly behind him.

He knew he wasn’t allowed into the study when his mother was working but he hadn’t known what else to do - he’d already lingered at the top of the stairs for an hour, trying to get his mother’s attention without having to actually go downstairs but she’d just ignored him. Sirius pushed open the study door with some effort, tears streaming down his face, chest tight, tiny hands pulling and worrying the ends of his nightshirt. Walburga was leant over the desk, quill scratching on the paper in her manicured grip.

“What is it?” she snapped, turning sharp grey eyes to glare at him, “You know you’re not allowed down here.” Sirius recoiled slightly, his bottom lip quivering. His face was starting to feel heavy and sticky with tears. 

“Mumma,” he whined, “My throat is all hurty and I can’t stop coughing.” He paused for a moment to meet his mother’s eyes, “I think I’m dying.” Walburga curled her lip disdainfully at him, setting the quill aside to cross her arms over her chest. 

“Don't be absurd, you’re not dying now go back to bed and stop being a nuisance!” Sirius hesitated, he had wanted a hug, a smile, anything to make him feel a little better. He balled his hands into fists by his sides, his lip trembling. Walburga pushed away from the desk so suddenly that it rattled against the wall and Sirius almost fell as she strode towards him, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him out of the room back towards the staircase. Kreacher glared coldly at him as they passed the kitchen doorway. Sirius struggled to keep up as his mother marched him up the stairs, stumbling a few times, depositing him in front of his bedroom door without so much as a backwards glance. 

“Stupid boy - it's a wonder I had children at all.” Sirius sat in the doorway of his room and cried. He screamed and he yelled and pounded his tiny fists onto the floor but his mother didn’t come back and, eventually, he fell asleep on the landing curled up in a ball.

 

************************************************

1971 

Sirius loved being at school - the castle was everything Grimmauld Place wasn’t, it was loud and colourful and welcoming. He’d already made friends with three of the boys in his house: Peter Pettigrew, a shy blonde boy with big round eyes and a nervous smile; James Potter, who was becoming more and more like the brother Sirius wished he had - James was brave and funny and just as up for causing trouble as Sirius was; Remus Lupin often tried to stop them from going quite so over the top with their pranks but Sirius could usually talk him round. Remus was taller than any of them, with long spindly legs and light brown curls that dipped into his eyes constantly and lots of faded scars that marked his cheeks. 

A week into his first term at Hogwarts, Sirius got ill. He’d woken up one morning with his throat closed up and his skin cold and clammy. Determined not to let it ruin the flying lesson scheduled for that afternoon, he’d sucked it up and gone to breakfast with his friends. The Great Hall was filled with the delicious smells of the usual Hogwarts feasts but they just made Sirius want to be sick. He faceplanted the table groaning softly. 

“I think I’m dying.” He mumbled to himself. James, who had just been about to launch a spoonful of jam at a totally oblivious Peter on the other side of the table, paused mid catapult. 

“Sirius? You alright mate?”

“‘M fine” he mumbled, “I’ll still be able to go flying.” They were probably just worried they wouldn’t be able to go, he thought. Someone touched his shoulder and Sirius slowly raised his head to see all three of his friends peering at him in concern. Remus’ hand hovering above his arm. 

“Never mind flying, you’re almost the same shade as Nearly Headless Nick, do you feel alright?” Sirius only blinked at them. Remus looked worried. They all did. But they couldn’t be worried about him, more likely they were annoyed that they wouldn’t be able to go to Ogg’s flying lesson. They’d all been really looking forward to it after they’d seen the Gryffindor team on their way to practice on their second day. Looking at his friends staring back at him, Sirius couldn’t bring himself to lie to them. 

“I feel like my stomach is about to jump up my throat and I haven’t been able to breathe properly since I woke up.” He waited for the sighs and the angry muttering and the mumbled ‘stop being so selfish’ that he was used to but none came. Instead James stuck his hand in the air, calling over Professor McGonagall. Remus leant forward again and placed a cool hand on Sirius’ forehead. 

“What is it Mr. Potter?” McGonagall asked, peering down at Sirius who struggled not to let his head drop back onto the table top.

“Sirius isn’t feeling very well, can he go back to the dorm?” McGonagall nodded after a moment. 

“Of course, he looks dreadful. You’d better go with him Potter. You too Mr Lupin, Mr Pettigrew. Make sure he doesn’t fall up the stairs.” James grinned up at her with a mock salute and ran from the room. Remus took one of Sirius’ arms in his and started guiding him from the Great Hall. 

“Why didn’t you say anything Sirius?” He asked quietly. Sirius shrugged. 

“At home no one really cared… most of the time they just told me to get over it so I uh, I just assumed it’d be the same here.” Remus gave a long suffering sigh as they reached the Gryffindor tower. 

“Don’t be daft Sirius, you can’t help it if you’re ill and of course we care about you. You’re our friend.” Remus turned to say the password, leaving Sirius to try not to betray the fact that even though Remus had stated it like it was completely obvious, no one had ever told Sirius that it was okay to be ill. As they walked through the empty common room and up the stairs to the dorm room Sirius could hear James stumbling around. 

“Sirius!” James bounded to a stop in front of them as they pushed open the door, taking Sirius’ arm and yanking him away from Remus and further into the room. “So I moved your bed away from the window so you wouldn’t get cold and I took the blankets off of my bed so you’d be really cosy and- where’s Peter?” Remus left the dorm to look and James pushed Sirius down onto his bed and pushed and pulled at the covers until he was tucked in, eyelids drooping with the soft warmth of an extra blanket. 

A loud clattering on the staircase made his eyes jerk open again to see Peter and Remus returning to the room, both with arms full of food from the breakfast table. 

“I didn’t know what you wanted,” Peter said breathlessly, dropping the food onto Sirius’ bedside table, “so I brought you everything I could carry… though, I may have dropped a few of the sausages…” Remus deposited even more food onto the trunk at the foot of the bed before glancing at the clock. 

“We should get going or we’ll be late.” James wrapped an arm around Sirius’ head, pulling it into his lap and draping his body over Sirius dramatically. 

“But if we leave him alone he could die, Remus, die!” He shrugged one shoulder. “We’ll have to skip all of our lessons to look after him. Won’t we Sirius.” Sirius couldn’t see anything through James’ arms. 

“Can’t... breathe… James!” James let go and Sirius relaxed back against the pillows, a slow grin spreading over his face. 

“Oops, sorry mate.” 

“Remus is right James, we have to go! I don’t fancy being late for potions… a detention with Slughorn would just be listening to him talk for hours.” James got off the bed pouting.

“Fine,” he whined, craning his head back over his shoulder to wave at Sirius, “we’ll come see ya later so hurry and get better.” Sirius listened to them as they left the dorm before letting his eyes drift shut, happier than he could ever remember being. 

************************************************

1974

Sirius trudged his way up the staircase to the Gryffindor common room, dragging his feet with each step. He felt rotten and wanted nothing more than to fall into bed and moan. The Fat Lady looked at him disdainfully. 

“You look dreadful.” She remarked. Sirius sniffled and sighed. 

“I feel dreadful so thanks for pointing that one out to me.” 

“Password?” Sirius struggled to think, the password had only just changed. He could remember Peter telling him what it was a few days before but Sirius’ brain had nothing. 

“Flibbertigibbet?” The Fat Lady cocked an eyebrow and shook her head. Sirius groaned. 

“Come on! I feel awful can’t you just let me in? Please?” He gave her his best pout.

“No password, no entry.” He gave her the finger, smiling faintly at the huff of indignation he got in response before dropping his head against the wall beside her. The cool stone felt amazing against his forehead. His response was muffled by his hair.

“Now you’re just being mean.”

“And you’re being vulgar.” Sirius lifted his head. 

“You love it.” 

“Mr Black I am hundreds of years old - you are a child.” 

“Oh yeah? Well- Ah I got it! Alea iacta est!” The Lady’s face turned prim and the door swung open.

“Wasn’t that hard was it?” She muttered petulantly. Sirius tried his best to hold back a growl as the portrait swung shut behind him. 

Inside the dormitory Remus lay spread across his bed, textbook under his arm as he ate the last of the chocolate Peter and James had snagged on their last kitchen raid. Sirius dropped down beside him and immediately curled into a ball. He felt Remus sigh beside him and looked up. 

“Really Pads?” Sirius whined and Remus rolled his eyes, putting the book down and shifting to put his hand to Sirius’ forehead. “You are a little warm.”

“See? I feel awful. Moony, I think I’m dying.” Sirius croaked, throwing an arm dramatically over his face.

“It’s a cold Sirius, you are not dying you big baby.” Sirius didn’t move.

“Dying! Tell Peter I love him.” He rolled over, splaying his hair out beside him. “And tell my mother that the ‘Noble and Most Ancient House of Black’ can suck my dick.” He rolled over again and grabbed at Remus’ jumper. “Is it getting darker? My vision’s going black, goodbye cruel world!” 

“Can you not be dramatic ever?” Remus asked amusedly. Sirius smiled.

“I mean I could but where’s the fun in that Moons?” Remus rolled his eyes again and pushed himself up off the bed.

“You’re an idiot.” Sirius whined and rolled over again, pouting up at the other boy as he walked away from the bed.

“Where are you going?” Remus smirked over his shoulder as he reached the door. 

“To get you a hot drink, now go to bed Padfoot, get some rest.” Sirius grinned and pulled down the covers of Remus’ bed, slipping into the familiar warmth with a sigh.

“You’re the best Moony.” He said drowsily.

“I know.”

 

************************************************  
1975 

Sirius was running. There was nothing around him, just a never ending darkness but a wind sent cold shivers racing up and down his spine as he ran. The Whomping Willow rose up in front of him in the dark, filling him with a sense of dread. He’d made a mistake. He’d been angry and made a mistake and now he was running, trying to reach them all in time. Trying to fix it. Ahead of him he could see Severus reaching out to touch the knot on the trunk, the willow went still and with a slimy smile, Severus went inside. 

Sirius’ gut clenched as he ran faster, faster but he never seemed to get any closer. The world shifted and he was in the shrieking shack. James had Severus by the arm, tugging him away from where Remus stood in the corner of the room, pale and writhing as the transformation took hold. His pained yells echoed off the walls, reverberating through Sirius’ ears. 

“How could you do this?!” James yelled. Sirius turned sharply - James was right in front of him shaking with anger.

“James I - I didn’t mean to I-” he reached out but James ripped his arm away in disgust. 

“Knew I shouldn’t have made friends with you,” he spat, “you don’t belong with us Sirius. You’re just like your parents, you’re a monster!”

“Sirius!” Remus collapsed on the floor in front of him, tears streaming down his pale face. Sirius choked on his own tears.

“Moony.” He whimpered. 

“Why Sirius? I thought you cared about me-” his voice broke off in a high pitched whine and Sirius tried to reach out, to lay an arm around his shoulders but Remus bucked him off despite the tortured noises he let out. 

“I do,” Sirius gulped, “I do Moony you have to believe me, I never meant for this to happen! I care about you.” 

“No.” It was soft like a whisper. “No. You don’t. You would never have done this if you cared even a little bit about me.”

“Moony-”

“Do not call me that! You’ve made me a monster Sirius!” His hand lashed out and Sirius went sprawling through the air. Darkness surrounded him once more. 

“Just like your parents!” James’s voice echoed through his head and then Remus’ “You’ve made me a monster!” 

“You’re a monster.” All the voices bled into one. Remus, James, Peter, his parents. Their voices playing though his head over and over again as he fell further into the dark. “A monster!”, “just like your parents”, “should never have made friends with you.” 

“Please.” It was nothing more than a whisper. The voices got louder, blocking out everything else in his head until there was nothing left but them, clinging to his skin, wrapping themselves around him like a noose. 

“Well done Sirius,” Sirius hit something hard and the voices fell to nothing. He looked up. Walburga Black sneered down at him, a twisted smile on her lips “you’ve finally done me proud.”

Sirius woke with a gasp. He shot upright, panic coursing through him. It took him a moment to remember that he wasn’t at home with his mother or in the Shrieking Shack, he was in his bed in the boys’ dorm room. But right now, that was almost worse. 

From behind his bed curtain he could hear whispering but it stopped the moment he made a noise. Remus’ bed was closest, Sirius knew that, he used to crawl in beside the other boy when he woke up in the middle of the night and they’d spend hours whispering into each other’s ears, curled up together. 

“You alright Sirius?” James’ voice drifted over to him, deliberately void of any emotion. Remus didn’t make a sound. Sirius felt his insides shrivel up. Tears threatened to spill down his cheeks and he thanked Merlin that the bed curtain hid his face.

“Yeah, I’m - I’m fine. Night Prong- night James.” James didn’t reply and Sirius curled onto his side, closing his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep.

“I think I’m dying.” 

 

************************************************

1975

By the time Sirius reached Gryffindor Tower it was already nightfall. He’d gladly taken the blame for breaking one of the suits of armour on the fifth floor. Professor McGonagall had marched him down to the Great Hall for detention but Sirius hadn’t particularly minded. Detention meant less time in the dorm room for Remus to ignore him. James had forgiven him days ago, closely followed by Peter, but Remus had continued to ignore him resolutely. Not that Sirius blamed him. He’d done what he’d sworn he never would, what he promised night and day Remus would never become. He’d made him a monster. 

Now Severus knew their secret. Snivellus Snape could expose Remus to the whole school; the whole Wizarding World and it would be Sirius’ fault. He knew he deserved to be ignored, that he should be thankful that James and Peter had even forgiven him, but he missed Remus so much it made him ache. He missed the way his hair fell into his eyes and how his mouth would quirk up when he was trying not to laugh. The long suffering sighs and the eye rolls when Sirius was being over dramatic. He missed the small kisses he’d press to Sirius’ temple when they lay in bed together whispering secrets into the dark. 

The Fat Lady swung open her portrait and Sirius was greeted with Remus reclined in one of the arm chairs, transfiguration book draped over his lap. He didn’t look up as Sirius entered and Sirius let out a long breath. 

“Remus?” The other boy didn’t respond. Sirius felt like he was two inches tall, like he was slowly turning invisible. “How long are you going to do this?” He asked quietly. Remus raised his head, his gaze sliding over Sirius like he wasn’t even there.

“I’m going to bed.” He started for the staircase and Sirius stumbled to block the doorway. Remus took a careful step back and Sirius’ anger swelled inside him. 

“Why? Why are you ignoring me! Why are you still angry!” Remus gave him a look but Sirius didn’t back down. It was the first time Remus had even acknowledged his presence in weeks. “It can’t be about Snivellus!”

“Right now it’s less about Severus and more about you, Sirius! You don’t even know what you did wrong do you? You think it was a prank? You think Severus was just going to get scared and run away? You think- well you didn’t think did you, Sirius?” He made to move past Sirius again but Sirius didn’t move. 

“I know.” Sirius sagged, his arms falling to his sides, staring at the floor. “I didn’t think, I was- I was angry and stupid and I made you into the one thing I swore you never were and- I’m sorry.” He knew he’d ruined everything. The one chance he’d had at finding somewhere to call home, someone to call family and he’d fucked it up. His voice went raspy as all the anger drained from him. “I know I should have said all of this three weeks ago but I didn’t and now it’s probably too late but I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Moons.” Remus said nothing for a long moment and Sirius felt a flood of defeat. He moved away from the staircase, still not looking up.

“I’ve missed you calling me that.” Sirius looked up slowly to see Remus smiling softly at him. “Prongs and Wormtail never did call me ‘Moons’. Just had to be special didn’t you, Pads?” Sirius felt dizzy. “I’m going to bed… you coming?” Sirius laughed sharply, more of a relieved sigh than actual noise.

“Really?” Remus stepped past him and started to climb the stairs with a grin. Sirius hurried to follow him up to the dorm room. 

“I thought I was going to die if you didn’t forgive me.”

“Don’t be so bloody dramatic Pads.” 

 

************************************************  
1982

Nothing could stop the tremors. His hands always shook now like all of his nerve endings were on fire. It had been a year, he was fairly sure. There was no way of knowing for definite, the sun never really rose in Azkaban. Hues of white gave way to shades of grey and black and were the only indication that time ever passed at all. The Dementors seemed to suck the very light from the sky. They passed Sirius’ cell from time to time, dark shapes drifting past without a sound sending icicles of frost cracking over the metal of the door, creaking violently and making Sirius curl in on himself, trying desperately to block it out. Block it all out and think happy thoughts. But even those were taken from him, pulled out of his mind like air from a vacuum or mist that ran right through your fingertips. Some memories never escaped him. They clung to his mind like ivy, there whenever he closed his eyes. Godric’s Hollow, the broken down door and the flayed carpet. James slumped over at the foot of the stairs and Lily, cold and forgotten on the nursery floor. Everyone he loved gone in the blink of an eye and Remus, his Moony, left all alone and thinking that it was Sirius that betrayed them. And now they were both alone. 

Sirius pressed himself into the corner of his cell, the cold stone pressing against the thin material of his prison uniform as he watched a dark figure glide past the door. 

“I think I’m dying.” He whispered into the silence. It echoed dully off the cell walls - hollow and unimportant.

 

************************************************  
1995

He could barely even believe that he was out. After 12 years of isolation he was lying in a bed in his old house, Remus breathing lightly in the bed next to him like they were sixteen years old again. He was older now, they both were, and time had not been kind to either of them. Sirius’ hands still trembled constantly and there were terrible moments late at night where he’d find himself staring at the ceiling with an empty feeling inside him like a void had opened up.  
Remus had noticed, Sirius was sure he had, and when he did he would slip quietly from his bed and wrap himself around Sirius like a blanket. The searing touches and harsh kisses were replaced with a softness that didn’t seem as important back then, back when they had less worries and more time.  
His cousin had joined the ranks of the Aurors and Sirius saw the way Dora looked at Remus and, occasionally, how Remus would look back. He was happy that Remus had found someone like her. Dora was everything he used to be: loud, arrogant, loyal; so sure that the world couldn’t possibly be against her, that she would be the one to conquer it all. He joked that Remus obviously had a type and Remus just laughed. It made him ache for the lost time but it was nice to laugh again. 

Remus’ breathing picked up across the room and Sirius bit his lip, slipping out from under the blanket and climbing in beside him. Immediately Remus’ arms wound around his waist with a contented sigh. 

“Was it a bad one?” He asked quietly. Remus made a small noise of confirmation and snuggled closer. “I’ve got you Moons,” he smoothed back Remus’ curls and felt the weight lift from his own chest, “I’d rather die than leave you again.”

“Always so dramatic Pads.” 

“I mean it.”

“I know.”

 

************************************************

1995

Sirius was convinced he’d splinched when they appeared outside the ministry. Snape’s owl had arrived just in time to warn them of the words Harry had shouted to him in Umbridge’s office: “They have Padfoot at the place where it’s hidden!” Sirius had managed to rouse Remus and Tonks, who were talking quietly in the kitchen, as well as Kingsley and Moody and they’d left immediately. A million thoughts coursed through Sirius’ mind as they had raced through the building, Remus looking every bit as anxious as he felt. They had followed the trail of carnage through room after room and burst through into the Chamber just as Harry reached forward to hand a prophecy to Lucius Malfoy, who grinned evilly. Harry’s friends were held by various Death Eaters around the chamber. Tonks stepped forward, her hand whipping up to fire a stunning spell that sent Lucius flying backwards and the fight began anew. Sirius went flying forward, throwing out as many hexes as he could remember, not stopping to see whether they hit as he made his way for Harry. 

He reached them just as a Death Eater hit a dark haired boy that looked a lot like Frank Longbottom with a jelly legs jinx before casting a streak of what looked like purple flame right at Harry who only just managed to get up a shield. Before he had the chance to attack again, Sirius slammed into him and they both went sprawling backwards into the dust. He was back on his feet in an instant.

“Expelliarmus!” His opponent's wand went flying across the floor. He went to reach for it but Sirius raised his own wand again. “Petrificus Totalus!" The Death Eater instantly froze and the one behind him couldn’t stop his momentum and went stumbling over him. Sirius whirled out of the way of a killing curse, sending it smashing into the wall behind him and continued fighting. He chanced a look and sent out a stunning charm. All around him the others were engaged in their own duels. Harry and Neville were cornered by Malfoy. Harry passed Neville the prophecy orb and sent a powerful Impediment Jinx to knock Malfoy back. Sirius felt a swell of pride and let out a whoop.

“Nice one James!” His voice caught in his throat as he realised his mistake. Remus moved past him just as Malfoy got back to his feet and Remus was between them before he could attack again. 

Sirius watched Hermione Granger throw a counter curse back into a Death Eater's face and Molly’s youngest actually throw a punch at another and laughed, even as he dodged a poorly aimed Incarcerous thrown from his left. 

“Well look who it is,” Sirius whirled. Bellatrix stood a few paces away, every bit the madwoman Sirius remembered. He pulled himself up to his full height, letting every ounce of hatred he felt rise to the surface until he was buzzing with it. 

“If it isn’t Bellabitch. Still doing the dark lord’s bidding in hope of a cheap fuck I see?” Bellatrix’s face twisted into a snarl and she hurled a killing curse which he easily dodged. She smiled cruelly at him.

“Itty bitty Siri. How was Azkaban cousin? Dementors pack quite the kiss huh?” 

“You would know ‘cousin’ weren’t you in the cell down the hall?” Bellatrix roared and ran at him. Sirius threw up a shield charm and hurled his own counter curse before running towards the other side of the chamber, trying desperately to lead Bellatrix away from Harry and Remus - the only two people he had left. The veil stood just behind him now - smoky tendrils drifted around his shoulders, pulling him in. 

As the duel continued Sirius realised he was rusty - he hadn’t been in a duel for a long time, especially not with an opponent as skilled as Bellatrix. Curses and counter curses flew through the air between them and Sirius cursed himself for not practicing more. His aim was his one saving grace. The strict wand stances drilled into him from a young age meant that even if he wasn’t too familiar with the spell itself, he very rarely missed. 

“Confringo!” Bright flames erupted from his wand and Bellatrix stumbled back, crashing into a rock and falling hard. Sirius grinned and chanced a glance back at Harry and the others. Remus was still battling one of the remaining death eaters, Tonks right beside him. Harry threw a jinx at a Death Eater just as they reached for Neville, stooping to check if his friend was alright before turning and sprinting right for Sirius. He lifted a hand in greeting as Harry and Remus both drew near, panting hard. 

“Stupifiy!” Sirius stumbled, frowning. He glanced back. Bellatrix stood atop a rock - wand outstretched, a wicked grin sliding over her face, tongue coming out to move along her top teeth. Sirius could feel his vision going grey around the edges. He stumbled back and coldness enveloped him like fog. For a moment it reminded him of Azkaban - the endless nights wrapped in nothing but freezing cold air and darkness and then it shifted and Sirius thought he saw Godric’s Hollow. The mist always did hang thick in the air in October. Sirius had been whistling as he rounded the corner, a bag of sweets under his arm but they’d fallen when the house came into view. The door hanging off its hinges - James lying dead at the foot of the stairs, Lily on the floor, not moving and Harry crying in his crib. He was crying now. Sirius could see him struggling to free himself from Remus’ arms. He wanted to tell him how proud he was to have seen him all grown up. How much he looked like his father, tall and handsome and how much he was like his mother: resilient and strong. He wanted to tell him how much Sirius loved him and how much good he was going to do. He wanted to, but his mouth wouldn't form the words. 

Remus was crying too. His grip tightened around Harry’s waist as his eyes sought Sirius’ through the fog, desperate and pleading. It made Sirius ache. Ache for the lost time, for the past where they were so happy Not these two broken shells. Time had been so cruel to both of them but they’d had each other. What did he have now? Sirius couldn’t feel his limbs anymore. The fog was getting thicker. He had to say something - he couldn’t just fade there were so many things he wanted to say, a million thoughts tripping over themselves in his mind. 

“I’m sorry Moony,” he whispered “I think I’m dying.” Remus sobbed, a terrified sound of loneliness and Sirius reached out a hand. 

The fog clouded over and a quiet settled around him like a shroud. Sirius kept his eyes shut. If there was going to be a last Marauder standing he was glad it would be Remus. The smartest of them all and the bravest. 

Do us proud Moony. And take care of him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off the idea that Sirius is a dramatic little shit when he's ill because he wasn't looked after as a young'n. I mean can you imagine Walburga Black codling her child and singing him to sleep? I don't think so.
> 
> It was supposed to be fluff all the way but my brain decided to make me sad so now you must all be sad with me 
> 
> This is un beta'd so any mistakes are my own 
> 
> If you liked the story I'm on tumblr under talesininkandstars if you wanna say hi or drop me a propmt and whatnot x


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